Nothing I’ve done so far has gotten through, so I thought I’d try something new: write about the one love I lost. Your absence walks through the door every single day- Neelam Kheterpal, lovingly known as ‘bebe’, was the epitome of love, and the heart that beats at the centre of my family. A part of me will always wonder why, you were just 16 but here’s to a lifetime of remembering you.
Dadi was a woman of unparalleled style, she could beat anyone in the room. She had crazy energy when she was around people she loved. She was non-stop, whether it came to being in the kitchen for all her “bachhas”, or the Barbie stories she told me where, obviously, I was the fabulous Barbie herself. Be it a puja or a party, she danced with the same joy, leaving everyone else breathless, therefore we always called her the youngest in our family. She wanted to try everything, and had time for everyone. She loved doting on hot Hollywood actors just as much as she loved doting on Krishan Ji. She spoilt all of us, in her own way.
She knew the value of having strong bonds, of spending time with people you love, of making a true effort in everything she did. Her love (often mistaken for her ghee) only flowed.
In her early life, when a Trend Setters (her own business) bedcover could practically sell itself, Dadi proved to be the best businessperson I’ve ever known. I get it all from her, she taught me how to speak, walk, dress, sell, talk to people. Don’t know how she did it but for the longest time, she managed both her worlds without a trace of being unfair to even one.
So I grapple now with a tornado of emotions – anger, sadness, and an overwhelming sense of the unfairness of life. It’s a pain that cuts too deep, leaving me searching for meaning in all this. But I know when this cloud clears, I will learn to be surrounded with more emotions: things that she taught me- the value of relationships, “Don’t set unrealistic expectations, but definitely surprise people sometimes”, pure surrender to God, the importance of making friends, being the first to break the ice, “Whoever said a person’s heart isn’t through their stomach is absolutely 100% wrong”, the joy of forgiveness, the joy of living in the moment, and just having an unending regard for life.
I will learn to find solace in the fact that she is on her way to HER favourite, her papa. I will learn to find solace in the fact that she lived every single moment to her fullest- The fact that her, and only her, knew the true meaning of joy. I will find solace because maybe I had done something extraordinary in some life, because in this life I was given time with her.
In bidding farewell to Dadi, I know that I cannot even aspire to be like her, because honestly she was one of a kind. She was my favourite not for all this, but because you could go to the the ends of the world and not meet a person like her. But I also know in the years to come, I will see glimpses of her in food, music, laughter, dancing, bedcovers, foot massages, parathas and when someone caresses me on the head lovingly.
This past month has been difficult but I know she’ll be happy because she got the kind of attention we always got from her, and left with all things done her way, and that the last thing she was doing was getting a foot massage, without which she has actually cancelled plans.
I know when we do, we will only remember her dancing and laughing. And I know by the time I get up there, she would’ve made all the gods overweight, made a solid social circle and retained atleast one maid. And once again, she will dance with me, feed me, pamper me, and love me unconditionally. So until we meet again. Happy Valentine’s Day Dadi, I love you.
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