A journey of self-love through generational healing.
By Catalina Sainz
I have an intricate maze in my head that is intertwined with broken pieces of self-worth and strands of fear. I’m Catalina, and this is the story of my everchanging relationship with my body, one that, you will find, is deeply connected with the resonance of my mother’s words.
As a young girl, I found myself caught in an endless spiral of comparison and criticism. Perhaps unintentionally, my mother shot words through the thin layer of my confidence, like arrows. The trust in myself was eroded by every remark and disapproving look I received, which left a trail of dislike and disappointment in it’s path. She never seemed to find enough in me. I waged a quiet fight against my own reflection on my body, a canvas covered in imperfections, in our eyes. I still remember, that I have had to carry the weigh of my stretch marks since I was 11, always pointed out, as well as my stomach, or even body hair.
My mother’s statements left deep mental bruises that bled with every glance in the mirror, from the faint murmurs of discontent to the clear comparisons with others.
But in the midst of the sadness, there was a ray of light, that showed me the way to forgiveness. As I grew older, I saw that my mother, also bore the wounds from her own struggles, which were concealed under her almost impenetrable exterior. I then slowly started to piece together her story, in the quiet times of introspection, each detail laced with the grief of unfulfilled hopes and stolen dreams. Beneath the exterior of her tough persona, there was a mother battling with her own fears and an independent woman carrying a great deal of weight, with no one to share it with.
This realization provided me with comfort and relief for the wounds that had been growing inside of me for a long time. For it was through sharing her suffering that I came to find the healing power of what I would call love; a force that would heal the rift that had long been separating us. I accept the flaws that once troubled me; each one is a symbol of the path that has brought me to this point. I can now see the beauty that lies within me as well as the wounds of my own past when I look through the “lens” of love.
Hence, I extend to my mom a hand of forgiveness, with a heart full of compassion, and no evil intent. Because in the end, what ties us together isn’t perfection but rather the unbreakable love that knows no limits, despite time or distance.
At the end, we are all people looking for comfort in the embrace of love throughout our lives, which have been proven to be full of both joy and sadness. Even though there may be many challenges on our road, empathy’s strength helps us find our way home; a place where love has no boundaries and acceptance is the norm.
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